I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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