My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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