I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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