i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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