____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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