i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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