I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
everyone is single if you try hard enough
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
