I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
