I feel great
I just peed on a car
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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