I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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