dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
