I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
