dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
