She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
