Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
