i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
