she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
