i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
