Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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