i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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