just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
