I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
