Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
