He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
