david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
