I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
