i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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