ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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