Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
