Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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