She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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