I am puke
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
