Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
