I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
