I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
