Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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