I smell stomach acid.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Mom said you looked used
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
