i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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