He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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