Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
