Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
