Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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