I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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