His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
