Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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