her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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