i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
