If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
