I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
