He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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