Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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