I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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