she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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