She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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