Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
