so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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