do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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