I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
