I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
